I walk down the hill - basically walking off the only "college feeling" part of this campus. The steps: step after step after step after step...this is as though I'm marching straight to hell, straight down. And all for what? I'm leaving behind what feels so right about my education. Leaving a building in which every noon little children cry "frere jacques dormez vous? sonnez les matines!", leaving a building where the doors are too narrow because people didn't suffer from "uncontrollable/spasm induced eating" like they do now. The aura, the feel - this authenticity is inexplicably comforting.
For that - my resolute departure from what I'm beginning to value, for the struggle of picking little particles of oxygen from the ice that is posing as air, for this I am not met by outstretched arms reaching and saying, "little dear, come and snuggle in my bosom - be warm, be comfortable, be authentic." I am not met by arms outstreched and a soft, familiar voice that encourages and reaffirms.
I am met by traffic, roads diverging and police officers (probably crooked police officers at that) whistling and shouting and waving their hands like lunatics trying to get a prehistoric Isuzu truck to accelerate through the turn more quickly. I walk out of college and I walk into life. I walk out of east Tennessee, out of some sort of heritage, out of the authentic and I am greeted so harshly, so rudely, by this little taste of what we've become - New Yorkers. Car's horns and boots clomping on cold pavement form a sort of weird array of notes...notes that in my green ears seem dissonent. Cars are backed up at menial intersections - intersections where mobs of the dreary, the disorderly and unkempt; mobs of dirty faces and messy hair spread over unengaged minds and enenthusiastic hearts.
It's 9 o'clock and these mobs make no noise, aside from the routine cough, snort, sneeze, sniffle that come with the season.
How my world has changed in a matter of minutes. This morning - on the way here it was early - no one is up at 7:45 and I strolled to class up the grassy hill, not the cold steps...I was hiking, in the woods: whistling, thinking - this is terrific. The air was nice and chilled, like God had mixed the air with ice cubes and chilled it in martini shaker. It was a refreshing cold --- and with no cars or people out to interrupt these delusions - I continued on.
Now - right now, the whistling isn't coming from my carefree lips but from overindulgent policemen who wears a badge as if it were a crown. The chilled air has turned to into an oppressive regime to kill my immune system. The people are out and the cars are honking.
My delusions are curbed and reality is thrust down upon me from some malicious endeavor to stifle and suffocate wonderment and glee from the earth. I tread down the cement stairs, passing by few familiar faces to smile at. I wind up standing still, reading, waiting for the bus to pick me up and drop me off at my next class like a letter being sent from one place to another (inanimate) - I've traversed from a state of mental enjoyment to a solemn and desolate indifference. This bus is an image of my voyage from the hill to the ag. campus - this representation - is as though i'm moving from St. Petersburg (with its tradition, its history, its agelessness) to the rather latitudally but ever so distant longitudinally Ust'-nera to toil in the dredges, the treachery of Siberia.
(If only there were a comment card for the KAT buses so they might know of their role in my despair)
The bus serves her duty faithfully, perhaps to anote that there is something in the steadiness of life of which I must embrace before I can maintain a mind so fastidious and solid to avoid the emotional ebbs and tides of living.
I enter the building: the Brehm Animal Sciences Building and once again I am transferred a million miles in state of mind even though I've only traveled a few spacially. I have no qualms or expectations about being met by a loving, embracing Aphrodite to lead me around and familiarize me -- and thus I am not surprised as I enter the building to the dark and deep heavy stench of manure. My nostrils feel as though I've been running my hands through mulch all day long.
The first human I come in contact with reminds me once again that the speed and busyness of which I loathed earlier is a distant, distant memory. He is dressed in some ropers that are covered in dirt, some jeans, a khaki shirt that has been darkened over its lifetime by "field research." Atop this shirt is a denim jacket, and atop a head of greasy, unwashed hair is a camoflauge "Carhartt" chapeau...uh...I mean hat.
I recall the preppy, yuppy mob that littered the streets back on my usual side of campus. I remember the thinkers (the english, classics, foreign language, music, art, &c majors) who brood over black rimmed glasses. I remember the style, the populus, the conversation, the smell. Oh what a difference...the smell hear mirrors a farm - but then again everything here mirrors a farm. I suppose that is except for this computer.
Perhaps, this ebbing and flowing of which I've mentioned earlier is the static - the usual. Perhaps, what I'm seeing in a microcosm today is that which is a universal reality that echoes through the caverns of human life - of humanity even. And that might be summed up by the potent cliche, "The only thing that is constant is change."
Perhaps, that could be true - circumstancially of course. But I see something constant within the human...something constant, something universal - there is a aquifer of truth underneath this life, this reality I know. And perhaps, today - a day in which I've experienced (actually experienced, not merely trudged through) the changing atmospheres of existance - has revealed a deeper truth than the oft-used axiom above. This new idiom goes a little something like this, "The human experience is a constant struggle in an everchanging environment."
29 March 2007
06 March 2007
10 February 2007
31 January 2007
rockin' names
GOOD NAMES FOR ROCK BANDS
The Flying Shards
The Fierce Prune-Eating Hamsters from Space
Marcel and the Turpitudes
The Groin Whappers
Dave Barry
The Flying Shards
The Fierce Prune-Eating Hamsters from Space
Marcel and the Turpitudes
The Groin Whappers
Dave Barry
politico
"I would usually smile and nod and say that...there was - and always had been - another tradition to politics...a tradition based on the simple idea that we have a stake in one another, and that what binds us together is greater that what drives us apart, and that if enough people believe in the truth of that proposition and act on it, then we might not solve every problem, but we can get something meaningful done."
The Audacity of Hope
Barack Obama
The Audacity of Hope
Barack Obama
the life
"...'Ben has the life, doesn't he?' Paul comments...'Works all day, comes home to the woman he loves. You couldn't ask for a better life,' Paul says."
Through Painted Deserts
Donald Miller
Through Painted Deserts
Donald Miller
08 October 2006
Cutillion
Humans are weird. Some traditions that we have are quite funny if you think about it. I was at dinner tonight and two of these social mores occured and I actually thought about them for once, and they were just goofy.
- After dinner, everyone knew my grandfather was going to pay the tab but my dad pulled out his wallet as if to pay. He knew he wasn't going to but it would have been improper to act (not act like he was going to pay) on that knowledge. So society says, my dad had to whip out the wallet and get in a pseudo argument until the waiter brings the check and hands it to grandpa - which everyone knew was going to happen anyways.
- Similar, is how we are told to accept payment for menial service. The whole act, "No, you don't need to do that....well, if you insist." We all do it -- it's just funny. We know we are going to get paid, but we have to act like its superfluous - even though its not.
The things that drive us to action are weird. We're obviously influenced by society's standards - or else we wouldn't feel awkward simply accepting payment for watching the neighbor's dog. And society's standards are just flat out strange. It's like there's this golden rule regarding proper acceptance of a favor - argue with the person, "put your wallet away dad, i'm paying." After that we express how unnecessary their proposal is and why, "you're our guest, we're treating you tonight, c'mon i got it." then sigh "sigh" and thank them, "thanks dad."
- After dinner, everyone knew my grandfather was going to pay the tab but my dad pulled out his wallet as if to pay. He knew he wasn't going to but it would have been improper to act (not act like he was going to pay) on that knowledge. So society says, my dad had to whip out the wallet and get in a pseudo argument until the waiter brings the check and hands it to grandpa - which everyone knew was going to happen anyways.
- Similar, is how we are told to accept payment for menial service. The whole act, "No, you don't need to do that....well, if you insist." We all do it -- it's just funny. We know we are going to get paid, but we have to act like its superfluous - even though its not.
The things that drive us to action are weird. We're obviously influenced by society's standards - or else we wouldn't feel awkward simply accepting payment for watching the neighbor's dog. And society's standards are just flat out strange. It's like there's this golden rule regarding proper acceptance of a favor - argue with the person, "put your wallet away dad, i'm paying." After that we express how unnecessary their proposal is and why, "you're our guest, we're treating you tonight, c'mon i got it." then sigh "sigh" and thank them, "thanks dad."
27 September 2006
just something to mull on...
The idea of Tabula Rasa - "unscribed tablet"-"clean slate" - is the philosophical idea expressed by Aristotle and Thomas Aquinas, but then more notably by John Locke. Locke proposed the modern idea of Tabula Rasa that our mind (at birth) is a blank slate. Therefore there are no built in formulas or neural connections and that everything is developed and learned. The important theory (to me) is the connection to the spiritual idea of Tabula Rasa which follows that we are born with no sin.
It's an interesting theological quandary as there is no way for humans to deny sinfulness, however, we do acknowledge our baptism into Christ as a day of dedication in which we are cleansed by the holy water and made anew:
"The liturgy of baptism in (certain) traditions makes clear reference to baptism as not only a symbolic burial and resurrection, but an actual supernatural transformation, one that draws parallels to the experience of Noah and the passage of the Israelites through the Red Sea divided by Moses. Thus baptism is literally and symbolically not only cleansing, but also dying and rising again with Christ. Catholics believe that baptism is necessary for the cleansing of the taint of original sin, and for that reason infant baptism is a common practice."
If this is the case that baptism marks our burial and resurrection with Christ; does it then follow that our spiritual re-birth (our baptism) marks our real birth and therefore our birth into a state of our minds as a tablet unscribed upon by the chisel of sin?
It's an interesting theological quandary as there is no way for humans to deny sinfulness, however, we do acknowledge our baptism into Christ as a day of dedication in which we are cleansed by the holy water and made anew:
"The liturgy of baptism in (certain) traditions makes clear reference to baptism as not only a symbolic burial and resurrection, but an actual supernatural transformation, one that draws parallels to the experience of Noah and the passage of the Israelites through the Red Sea divided by Moses. Thus baptism is literally and symbolically not only cleansing, but also dying and rising again with Christ. Catholics believe that baptism is necessary for the cleansing of the taint of original sin, and for that reason infant baptism is a common practice."
If this is the case that baptism marks our burial and resurrection with Christ; does it then follow that our spiritual re-birth (our baptism) marks our real birth and therefore our birth into a state of our minds as a tablet unscribed upon by the chisel of sin?
Hmmm...
Okay, so I recieve a call between classes today, and my mom asks me, "What happened to Terrell Owens?" Upon hearing this, about a million different things welled up inside of me and I wanted to say, "well where do you want me to start?" I assumed (correctly) that this was a more pointed question - she then told me that news had broken that he had alledgedly attempted suicide. I got home and read the article, and I'm just mad about this whole thing.
I do not think Terrell Owens is the best role model on the planet, however, his treatment is absolutely horrendous. He does little dances in the end zone - so what? If he were a scantily clad girl then no one would have problems with him dancing in the end zones after scores. (That is a whole other topic). So what that he is attention starved? Does that make him a leper in America? If these people who are so content to peer in and criticize Owens' seeming arrogance and disillusionment would only peer in so keenly to themselves (and everyone else in the world) they'd find exactly the same problems. The difference - Owens is in the national spotlight.
So here's where the line has to be drawn. I believe that the combination of Vicodin and supplements doped him up, and that he didn't attempt suicide. However, from the past couple years, its obvious that the man has some emotional problems (as if we "normal people" don't) and we "normal people" think that its fine and right to push those buttons and try to draw those problems out of him. We are appalled at animal testing because it subjects animals to cruel treatment in the name of science. Well what we do to people like Owens' is far worse - we are subjecting him to cruel treatment (if you disagree with that - then think about how you felt when you saw the treatment Jim Carrey's character received in Truman Show). We are subjecting him to this treatment not in the name of science, or anything that even has remote beneficial qualities - we are putting this on him just to ostracize and demonize him. It makes us feel better to point and say, well I'm better than him.
That's weak.
I do not think Terrell Owens is the best role model on the planet, however, his treatment is absolutely horrendous. He does little dances in the end zone - so what? If he were a scantily clad girl then no one would have problems with him dancing in the end zones after scores. (That is a whole other topic). So what that he is attention starved? Does that make him a leper in America? If these people who are so content to peer in and criticize Owens' seeming arrogance and disillusionment would only peer in so keenly to themselves (and everyone else in the world) they'd find exactly the same problems. The difference - Owens is in the national spotlight.
So here's where the line has to be drawn. I believe that the combination of Vicodin and supplements doped him up, and that he didn't attempt suicide. However, from the past couple years, its obvious that the man has some emotional problems (as if we "normal people" don't) and we "normal people" think that its fine and right to push those buttons and try to draw those problems out of him. We are appalled at animal testing because it subjects animals to cruel treatment in the name of science. Well what we do to people like Owens' is far worse - we are subjecting him to cruel treatment (if you disagree with that - then think about how you felt when you saw the treatment Jim Carrey's character received in Truman Show). We are subjecting him to this treatment not in the name of science, or anything that even has remote beneficial qualities - we are putting this on him just to ostracize and demonize him. It makes us feel better to point and say, well I'm better than him.
That's weak.
22 September 2006
Today is Friday (or Rosh Hashanah)
It's true today is Rosh Hashanah. It says so on my calender. So as I was fervently rubbing the sleep out of my eyes this morn I was struck with a familiar sense of curiosity. Curiosity, has a feminine voice mind you, she said to me, "what is Rosh Hashanah - for that matter, what are all these holidays that I never celebrate?"
So since she has such a seductive voice - Curiosity that is. I decided to oblige and follow up. After class, I ran home in the drizzle and logged on to Wikipedia. I found out that Rosh Hashanah is simply New Years in the Jewish tradition. So I was a little bummed that it was so bland - oh but then I found the "fun nugget" I'd been looking for:
"In fact, Judaism has four 'new years' which mark various legal 'years'."
Okay, so basically whats going on here is the Jewish calender is absolutely crazy - well crazy to me, an average Joe who abides by the simple 12 month, 365 day variety. There are four new years, as I mentioned. Before we move to that however, the Jewish calender is somewhat different than the typical American one. It includes 12 months of 30 days each. (The previous statement isn't completely true because some months contain 29.75 days, and other fractional differences). But in the long run the year rounds out to a full 360 days. This is significant because their calendar is envisioned as a circle and how many degrees are in a circle? You got it - 360. 360 degrees in a circle, 360 days in the rotunda-ish calendar of the Jews.
The first month on this circular calendar is Nisan, the word Nisan itself is Babylonian and is translated as "spring." It is rooted in the Sumarian "nisag" which literally means "first fruits." Nisan is a spring month consisting of 30 days and usually falls in the March-April range. It is the first month of the calendar because, "The LORD told Moses and Aaron in the land of Egypt, 'this month shall be for you the beginning of months. It shall be the first month of the year for you...' " (Exodus 12:1-2)
So, Moses and Aaron listened and now Nisan is the first month on the ecclesiastical calendar (month seven on the civic calendar) - and therefore 1 Nisan = New Year's Day.
The second New Year celebration is the first day of Tishrei, literally - "beginning" derived from the Akkadian surru - "to begin." Rosh Hashanah - literally, "head of the year" (which is today - lest you forget) is the civic New Year. That being said, there are huge ecclesiastical calendar implications on this "civic" holiday. Why? Well, this celebration is derived from Leviticus 23:24, "And the LORD spoke to Moses, saying, 'Speak to the people of Israel,' saying, 'In the seventh month, you shall observe a day of solemn rest, a memorial proclaimed with blast of trumpets, a holy convocation' " - the line, "with blast of trumpets" is literally translated as, "The Day of the Blowing of the Shofar."
In tradition, during the month of Elul (literally "to search") which is right before Tishrei, the Shofar (a musical instrument made from a ram's horn) is blown every morning, 'to awaken the listener from his/her slumber and alert them of the coming judgement.' Rabbinic literature (and even the liturgy) refers to Rosh Hashanah as the day of judgement. Therefore this month of Elul is similar in many respects to Lent (for Christians). The 'day of judgement,' in Christianity is Holy Saturday when Jesus rest in the tomb and in spirit performed the 'harrowing of hell' by descending to the depths and breaking free the bondage of those held captive by sin. The next day, Easter, marks the grace and mercy shown by God as Jesus ascended to Heaven. In Jewish tradition, however Rosh Hashanah is pictorialized as "God sitting upon a throne, while books containing the deeds of all humanity are open for review, and each person passing in front of Him for evaluation of his or her deeds." Then for the next ten days Jewish tradition observes the Yamim Noraim ("Days of Awe") known as Assaret Yemei Teshuva ("Ten Days of Repentance"). The Yamim Noraim culminates on 10 Tishrei with the celebration of Yom Kippur - Yom Hakkipurim - "The Day of Atonements." For obvious reasons this is the holiest day of the year and is marked by a 25 hour fast and very intensive prayer throughout the day.
This celebration is markedly different from the fiest that takes place on 1 Nisan. The latter is a celebration of the idea of a year, whereas the former celebrates the turning of a page in the lives of the Jews. It is a celebration of all the greatness of the past year; and alternatively a celebration of the forgiveness of sin from the previous year. The Yamim Noraim obviously is a huge, huge part of the Jewish year. The other New Year celebrations, on the other hand are not. The next New Year - Elul, the twelfth month of the ecclesiastical calendar is held as the New Year for animals.
Tu Bi'Shevat, or the fifteenth day of Shevat is marked as the New Year for trees. (Tu) is the American translation for some squiggly lines that in Hebrew mean 15, and (Shevat) is the eleventh month of the Jewish calendar. The day is known as Rosh Hashanah La'llanot ("Head of Year of the Trees.")
- These holidays do not begin until sun down - if you look at your calendar it should say, "Rosh Hashanah begins at sundown" that is because the day changes at sundown, not at the American usual of midnight.
So tonight, when the sun goes down and the chill of fall rests in the air, you may want to dig into a meal of apples and honey to symbolize a 'sweet new year,' and some challah to symbolize the wheel of life (round calendar) that just took one more spin. As you do, hear this, "ketiva ve-chatima tovah (may you be written and sealed for a good year)."
So since she has such a seductive voice - Curiosity that is. I decided to oblige and follow up. After class, I ran home in the drizzle and logged on to Wikipedia. I found out that Rosh Hashanah is simply New Years in the Jewish tradition. So I was a little bummed that it was so bland - oh but then I found the "fun nugget" I'd been looking for:
"In fact, Judaism has four 'new years' which mark various legal 'years'."
Okay, so basically whats going on here is the Jewish calender is absolutely crazy - well crazy to me, an average Joe who abides by the simple 12 month, 365 day variety. There are four new years, as I mentioned. Before we move to that however, the Jewish calender is somewhat different than the typical American one. It includes 12 months of 30 days each. (The previous statement isn't completely true because some months contain 29.75 days, and other fractional differences). But in the long run the year rounds out to a full 360 days. This is significant because their calendar is envisioned as a circle and how many degrees are in a circle? You got it - 360. 360 degrees in a circle, 360 days in the rotunda-ish calendar of the Jews.
The first month on this circular calendar is Nisan, the word Nisan itself is Babylonian and is translated as "spring." It is rooted in the Sumarian "nisag" which literally means "first fruits." Nisan is a spring month consisting of 30 days and usually falls in the March-April range. It is the first month of the calendar because, "The LORD told Moses and Aaron in the land of Egypt, 'this month shall be for you the beginning of months. It shall be the first month of the year for you...' " (Exodus 12:1-2)
So, Moses and Aaron listened and now Nisan is the first month on the ecclesiastical calendar (month seven on the civic calendar) - and therefore 1 Nisan = New Year's Day.
The second New Year celebration is the first day of Tishrei, literally - "beginning" derived from the Akkadian surru - "to begin." Rosh Hashanah - literally, "head of the year" (which is today - lest you forget) is the civic New Year. That being said, there are huge ecclesiastical calendar implications on this "civic" holiday. Why? Well, this celebration is derived from Leviticus 23:24, "And the LORD spoke to Moses, saying, 'Speak to the people of Israel,' saying, 'In the seventh month, you shall observe a day of solemn rest, a memorial proclaimed with blast of trumpets, a holy convocation' " - the line, "with blast of trumpets" is literally translated as, "The Day of the Blowing of the Shofar."
In tradition, during the month of Elul (literally "to search") which is right before Tishrei, the Shofar (a musical instrument made from a ram's horn) is blown every morning, 'to awaken the listener from his/her slumber and alert them of the coming judgement.' Rabbinic literature (and even the liturgy) refers to Rosh Hashanah as the day of judgement. Therefore this month of Elul is similar in many respects to Lent (for Christians). The 'day of judgement,' in Christianity is Holy Saturday when Jesus rest in the tomb and in spirit performed the 'harrowing of hell' by descending to the depths and breaking free the bondage of those held captive by sin. The next day, Easter, marks the grace and mercy shown by God as Jesus ascended to Heaven. In Jewish tradition, however Rosh Hashanah is pictorialized as "God sitting upon a throne, while books containing the deeds of all humanity are open for review, and each person passing in front of Him for evaluation of his or her deeds." Then for the next ten days Jewish tradition observes the Yamim Noraim ("Days of Awe") known as Assaret Yemei Teshuva ("Ten Days of Repentance"). The Yamim Noraim culminates on 10 Tishrei with the celebration of Yom Kippur - Yom Hakkipurim - "The Day of Atonements." For obvious reasons this is the holiest day of the year and is marked by a 25 hour fast and very intensive prayer throughout the day.
This celebration is markedly different from the fiest that takes place on 1 Nisan. The latter is a celebration of the idea of a year, whereas the former celebrates the turning of a page in the lives of the Jews. It is a celebration of all the greatness of the past year; and alternatively a celebration of the forgiveness of sin from the previous year. The Yamim Noraim obviously is a huge, huge part of the Jewish year. The other New Year celebrations, on the other hand are not. The next New Year - Elul, the twelfth month of the ecclesiastical calendar is held as the New Year for animals.
Tu Bi'Shevat, or the fifteenth day of Shevat is marked as the New Year for trees. (Tu) is the American translation for some squiggly lines that in Hebrew mean 15, and (Shevat) is the eleventh month of the Jewish calendar. The day is known as Rosh Hashanah La'llanot ("Head of Year of the Trees.")
- These holidays do not begin until sun down - if you look at your calendar it should say, "Rosh Hashanah begins at sundown" that is because the day changes at sundown, not at the American usual of midnight.
So tonight, when the sun goes down and the chill of fall rests in the air, you may want to dig into a meal of apples and honey to symbolize a 'sweet new year,' and some challah to symbolize the wheel of life (round calendar) that just took one more spin. As you do, hear this, "ketiva ve-chatima tovah (may you be written and sealed for a good year)."
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