I've been pondering a few irrelevent questions today. One of which being, "If life were a gymnastics event, which event would it be?"
This question never fails to quickly embattle all wit and intelligence that my body can contain and I slowly lose all trains of thought. My mental state is similar to the end of a song, you know the "fade to background" part. Well my cognition fades into the background.
For a long time, questions like this (questions that have no 'right' answer) perturbed me because I wanted an answer that I could rationalize. I didn't want my intellect to "fade to background" but, to my chagrin, there is no other way to approach a question of this caliber other than to let go of reason and open your mind to the creative possibilities.
*I like the word chagrin.
27 February 2006
Monet.
I love impressionism. Why? There is so much going on beneath the paint. When I look at this it is obvious that there is more emotion involved than I can really understand.
22 February 2006
Summer Girls
"Hip Hop Marmalade spic and span,
Met you one summer and it all began.
You're the best girl that I ever did see,
The great Larry Bird jersey 33.
When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet
baby, Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets.
Call me Willy Whistle cause I can't speak baby
something in your eyes went and drove me crazy.
Now I can't forget you and it makes me mad,
left one summer and never came back.
Stayed all summer then went back home,
Macauley Culkin was in Home Alone.
Fell deep in love, but now we ain't speakin'.
Michael J. Fox was Alex P. Keaton...
Cherry Pez, Cold, Crush, rock star boogie,
used to hate school so I had to play hookie.
Always been hip to the B-boy style,
known to act wild and make the girls smile.
Love New Edition and Candy Girl
remind me of you cause you rock my world.
You come from Georgia where the peaches grow,
they drink lemonade, and speak real slow.
You love hip hop and rock 'n roll.
Dad took off when you were four years old.
There was a good man named Paul Revere
I feel much better, baby, when you're near.
You love fun dip and Cherry Coke,
I like the way you laugh when I tell a joke...."
- LFO, Summer Girls
I'm still searching for the higher meaning to this song, if anyone can help me...let me know.
Met you one summer and it all began.
You're the best girl that I ever did see,
The great Larry Bird jersey 33.
When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet
baby, Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets.
Call me Willy Whistle cause I can't speak baby
something in your eyes went and drove me crazy.
Now I can't forget you and it makes me mad,
left one summer and never came back.
Stayed all summer then went back home,
Macauley Culkin was in Home Alone.
Fell deep in love, but now we ain't speakin'.
Michael J. Fox was Alex P. Keaton...
Cherry Pez, Cold, Crush, rock star boogie,
used to hate school so I had to play hookie.
Always been hip to the B-boy style,
known to act wild and make the girls smile.
Love New Edition and Candy Girl
remind me of you cause you rock my world.
You come from Georgia where the peaches grow,
they drink lemonade, and speak real slow.
You love hip hop and rock 'n roll.
Dad took off when you were four years old.
There was a good man named Paul Revere
I feel much better, baby, when you're near.
You love fun dip and Cherry Coke,
I like the way you laugh when I tell a joke...."
- LFO, Summer Girls
I'm still searching for the higher meaning to this song, if anyone can help me...let me know.
Need for Speed.
One thing that I've always wondered is, in movies, how do those guys drive those cars like that. For one thing, if I had any of those cars, it would not get touched. More importantly, however, I have yet to see a ramp on the side of the interstate. Furthermore, I am still quite puzzled by how a car can ramp off the back fender of another car and do a barrell roll in midair and then land on all fours (and by fours I mean wheels). I just wonder sometimes. I suppose the ramps only come out when cops are chasing behind you at 120 miles per hour...
PEOPLE
PEOPLE magazine always does the 50 most ...... people issues. Well thats dandy.
I will do a list of my favorite celebrities....and it won't be 50 people long. And it won't be in any order.
Mitch Hedberg -- he's dead its true, but who else could make a living off of wearing rose colored glasses, drinking on stage, talking about doing drugs, and cracking jokes like, "I have not slept for 10 days, because that would be too long." -- give it a second....okay.
Shigetashimayhomi Yomiuri -- I'm not sure if this is actually the dude's name, but he's known to the world as "that little Oriental Hot Dog eater" Why do i like him so much...well because he has a dance move patented after him. it's called the Shigetashimayhomi shimmy and it is performed in two venues. First, when a man is with friends and there is a contest for who can eat the most hot wings, and second, when coupled with the sprinkler and the macarena in what we casually refer to as "white style" dance.
William "the fridge" Perry -- He is an NFL superstar who is now resigned to challenging said "little Oriental Hot Dog eater" in eating competitions.
Tom Cruise -- Scientology! are you serious, Tom Cruise actually believes this stuff? No offense if there are any scientologists out there. (and by out there i mean out in the ocean -- see my first ever post) I have a problem with expressing myself too obtrusively in times like this, so I apologize to you scientologists, but you are idiots.
Katie Holmes -- Tom Cruise?!
Ricky Williams -- Okay so let me get this straight. You left the NFL (where you were an all star) and lived in self exile for a year so that you could get away with smoking all the pot you wanted. But you realized, you needed money so you came back and played football. You did okay, even though you look like black Abe Lincoln with the beard, but just recently you tested positive for a drug test for the third time. Oh wait, but then your mom was quoted as saying something along the lines of, "I really don't think he's smoking weed, he's so in touch with his body these days with his yoga and all....la de da." What? Your so in touch with your body with yoga and stuff...if your mom is going to lie for you, tell her to be somewhat believable. Oh and by the way, get a masking agent.
and my last one of the night goes to
Every old Road Rules/Real World Cast Member -- these people are token celebrities who have no talent...well except for Alton. They all however, decide to live out their 15 minutes of fame by prolonging their careers by returning to the gauntlet year after year. Its only a matter of time before we experience our first Gauntlet heart attack, because after 45 years of insane challenges followed by binge drinking followed by insane challenges followed by binge drinking followed by eating bugs followed by binge drinking Mike is going to die.
I will do a list of my favorite celebrities....and it won't be 50 people long. And it won't be in any order.
Mitch Hedberg -- he's dead its true, but who else could make a living off of wearing rose colored glasses, drinking on stage, talking about doing drugs, and cracking jokes like, "I have not slept for 10 days, because that would be too long." -- give it a second....okay.
Shigetashimayhomi Yomiuri -- I'm not sure if this is actually the dude's name, but he's known to the world as "that little Oriental Hot Dog eater" Why do i like him so much...well because he has a dance move patented after him. it's called the Shigetashimayhomi shimmy and it is performed in two venues. First, when a man is with friends and there is a contest for who can eat the most hot wings, and second, when coupled with the sprinkler and the macarena in what we casually refer to as "white style" dance.
William "the fridge" Perry -- He is an NFL superstar who is now resigned to challenging said "little Oriental Hot Dog eater" in eating competitions.
Tom Cruise -- Scientology! are you serious, Tom Cruise actually believes this stuff? No offense if there are any scientologists out there. (and by out there i mean out in the ocean -- see my first ever post) I have a problem with expressing myself too obtrusively in times like this, so I apologize to you scientologists, but you are idiots.
Katie Holmes -- Tom Cruise?!
Ricky Williams -- Okay so let me get this straight. You left the NFL (where you were an all star) and lived in self exile for a year so that you could get away with smoking all the pot you wanted. But you realized, you needed money so you came back and played football. You did okay, even though you look like black Abe Lincoln with the beard, but just recently you tested positive for a drug test for the third time. Oh wait, but then your mom was quoted as saying something along the lines of, "I really don't think he's smoking weed, he's so in touch with his body these days with his yoga and all....la de da." What? Your so in touch with your body with yoga and stuff...if your mom is going to lie for you, tell her to be somewhat believable. Oh and by the way, get a masking agent.
and my last one of the night goes to
Every old Road Rules/Real World Cast Member -- these people are token celebrities who have no talent...well except for Alton. They all however, decide to live out their 15 minutes of fame by prolonging their careers by returning to the gauntlet year after year. Its only a matter of time before we experience our first Gauntlet heart attack, because after 45 years of insane challenges followed by binge drinking followed by insane challenges followed by binge drinking followed by eating bugs followed by binge drinking Mike is going to die.
The Plot.
I woke up this morning and there was a saw coming through my wall. Now, in the sake of literary integrity, this was actually about three months ago..however don't deny that it sounds more recent when I said "this morning" (I know the stupidity is intended). Anyway, here is the question...why do construction workers always try to kill me? This is a phenomenon that is unexplainable by science, religion, or the North Star.
Every time I'm around any sort of construction site - which isn't alot - I always get the sense that I will turn around and there will be some devilish hooligan bearing down on me in a Bobcat. Perhaps, this is an illusory fear. But, I swear every time I'm around they always do the fake be nice act, but I really know what is going on. I know that they are trying to trick me into believing that they are well intentioned. Then, when I'm off my guard the Bobcat will get me.
Now, my irrational fear of construction workers must have some sort of -itis name...but I don't know it, so in lieu of creative integrity I'll propose unfortunateindustrialaccidentspurredonbyschemingconstructionworker-itis. (i'm very concerned with academic integrity tonight, especially after I lost all mine with my shameless Wilt Chamberlain poem.) Anyway, i digest (digress, but shouldn't digest have a double meaning here?) (oh, and sorry for all the parentheses - i like them)
I will admit, however, that even though I have seen this fate coming I did not expect for them to bring the pain while I slept. I expected to be getting my mail when a stray nail from a nail gun would set off some catapaultic lever action and a 2x4 would launch a cinder block right for my head. I expected some sort of creativity, however, much to my chagrin I awoke to a saw inches from my head. I found this very puzzling - it was very James Bond-ish because they didn't kill me....It's one of those "we could have gotten you, but didn't just to mess with your brain" things. Something like what happened to Allen Iverson when David Stern instituted a dress code for the NBA.
Well this is the end of the story for now, but I am not going to give in to the fear, so if this blog is cut off, then you will know that (hopefully) a cinder block got me, or (unfortunately) I was beheaded by a saw in the dredges of the night.
Every time I'm around any sort of construction site - which isn't alot - I always get the sense that I will turn around and there will be some devilish hooligan bearing down on me in a Bobcat. Perhaps, this is an illusory fear. But, I swear every time I'm around they always do the fake be nice act, but I really know what is going on. I know that they are trying to trick me into believing that they are well intentioned. Then, when I'm off my guard the Bobcat will get me.
Now, my irrational fear of construction workers must have some sort of -itis name...but I don't know it, so in lieu of creative integrity I'll propose unfortunateindustrialaccidentspurredonbyschemingconstructionworker-itis. (i'm very concerned with academic integrity tonight, especially after I lost all mine with my shameless Wilt Chamberlain poem.) Anyway, i digest (digress, but shouldn't digest have a double meaning here?) (oh, and sorry for all the parentheses - i like them)
I will admit, however, that even though I have seen this fate coming I did not expect for them to bring the pain while I slept. I expected to be getting my mail when a stray nail from a nail gun would set off some catapaultic lever action and a 2x4 would launch a cinder block right for my head. I expected some sort of creativity, however, much to my chagrin I awoke to a saw inches from my head. I found this very puzzling - it was very James Bond-ish because they didn't kill me....It's one of those "we could have gotten you, but didn't just to mess with your brain" things. Something like what happened to Allen Iverson when David Stern instituted a dress code for the NBA.
Well this is the end of the story for now, but I am not going to give in to the fear, so if this blog is cut off, then you will know that (hopefully) a cinder block got me, or (unfortunately) I was beheaded by a saw in the dredges of the night.
Shameful Prose #1.
Wilt thou wilt under the harsh sun?
Wilt thou score more than 81?
Wilt thou riddle my heart with daggers?
Wilt thou flaming shots propitiate a swagger?
Wilt my record, my prowess stand?
Wilt 100 be a feat too grand?
Wilt I share the 72 Dolphins glee?
Wilt thou harbor any animosity?
Wilt your lustful heart be pure?
Wilt thine wretched self promotion cure?
Wilt the sphere be cast to others?
Wilt a number mean more than thy brothers?
Wilt I be the little pig in house adobe?
Or Wilt mine be straw, and that be Kobe?
I have always been taught that poetry is more emotional that just average writing, I figured that my disdain for Kobe was great enough that it could only manifest itself in the way of prose. Obviously Wilt is referring to "will" but also Wilt Chamberlain, who holds the record of points in a game - which Kobe just came really close to breaking.
Wilt thou score more than 81?
Wilt thou riddle my heart with daggers?
Wilt thou flaming shots propitiate a swagger?
Wilt my record, my prowess stand?
Wilt 100 be a feat too grand?
Wilt I share the 72 Dolphins glee?
Wilt thou harbor any animosity?
Wilt your lustful heart be pure?
Wilt thine wretched self promotion cure?
Wilt the sphere be cast to others?
Wilt a number mean more than thy brothers?
Wilt I be the little pig in house adobe?
Or Wilt mine be straw, and that be Kobe?
I have always been taught that poetry is more emotional that just average writing, I figured that my disdain for Kobe was great enough that it could only manifest itself in the way of prose. Obviously Wilt is referring to "will" but also Wilt Chamberlain, who holds the record of points in a game - which Kobe just came really close to breaking.
Welcome.
I know, I know.
No one is reading these mundane words. Unfortunately, I know why. I know that this is the first of many (hopefully) crappy posts that I will write. This being the first means that I haven't posted an un-Godly amount of useless crap - and since that is the case, I am not yet qualified to be on the elite list of "power bloggers" or some non-sense like that. Anywho, I'll write. I'll write for fun, and if anyone out there..."anyone out there" feels like I'm screaming off the top of some cliff and all I can see is the vast ocean...reads this, then maybe you'll enjoy the words.
The words will be humorous (hopefully). The thoughts will be provoking (hopefully). The posts will achieve none of the things I'm hoping (probably).
Now, I'll publish this post - as an introduction - and go publish another one....i'm on my way to "power blogger" status!
No one is reading these mundane words. Unfortunately, I know why. I know that this is the first of many (hopefully) crappy posts that I will write. This being the first means that I haven't posted an un-Godly amount of useless crap - and since that is the case, I am not yet qualified to be on the elite list of "power bloggers" or some non-sense like that. Anywho, I'll write. I'll write for fun, and if anyone out there..."anyone out there" feels like I'm screaming off the top of some cliff and all I can see is the vast ocean...reads this, then maybe you'll enjoy the words.
The words will be humorous (hopefully). The thoughts will be provoking (hopefully). The posts will achieve none of the things I'm hoping (probably).
Now, I'll publish this post - as an introduction - and go publish another one....i'm on my way to "power blogger" status!
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