interesting

While I was writing that title, I wanted to spell it "intresting" because thats how we pronounce it. Anyways...

Speaking of pronunciation, I'm can't stand it when people mispronounce easy words...libarry? What?! Well I heard another one the other day. I forget what it is, but my hairs stood on end.

I see that today is September 21, and my last post entitled, "Race Relations" was written on August 22. A full month - I just needed a little breather.

I am taking a class called Race & Ethnicity in American Literature. Its pretty fun, but at the same time, pretty demoralizing. I debate every day whether to walk out the door and go on with life, or to exit the room by jumping out of the fourth floor window of Perkins. That's not actually true, but the angst is in that general vicinity.

Long story - short, that is why this whole race deal has been so grossly entrenched on my mind. At first, I feel this sense of dread - you know, the "oh crap I'm walking into a room, where I am about to get absolutely roasted by a bunch of people who are mad at me" feeling -- wait, maybe thats not a normal thing after all. However, after I realize that those feelings are just me being an idiot, I actually open my ears (if thats possible) and hear the conversation in the room and it is unbelievable.

All I can say to expound on the unbelievabilility (wc?) is that situations (race being one of them) where there is a cataclysmic amount of brokenness is where redemption is the most real. We claim to be so easily lured into idolatry because of all we have in America. However, in a place like this class - a place where real issues aren't matador-ed, but where we actually grab the bull by the horns and deal - thats where we can truly see past all of these objects and idols that we have grown to worship. It's really amazing.

I wrote a paper the other day for this class, it's a response paper to "Heart of Whiteness" by Robert Jensen. Well here's an excerpt about the necessity of standing in the path of the bull rather than waving the red flag.

"The third emotion Jensen deals with is fear. Fear is a much broader topic than anger or guilt; which are both very pointed. With guilt and anger there is always a beginning point – there is always a reason for guilt and a point of anger. Fear can often be a feeling without any rational reason. The problem, herein, is that fear presents itself in so many different fashions and is incredibly hard to overcome. Jensen makes a few points to this matter. The most explicit example is one where he makes the proclamation that black people gaining more power is the white man’s worst fear, “This is perhaps the deepest fear that lives in the heart of whiteness…Are non-white people capable of doing to us the barbaric things we have done them?” (54). He also testifies that in some instances when meeting with a person of different ethnicity he feels scared. “Why am I feeling afraid of you? I know I have no reason to be afraid, but I am,” he feels this sense of fear – for some unknown reason (57). The fact that there is no definitive root of this fear reveals the true depth in which it lies. Fear goes much deeper beneath the surface than we understand. Phobias are a perfect example – people are afraid of fairly normal things. These can’t be simply explained, yet there are ways to overcome them.

The fear of heights is a very common phobia which can be beaten. The only way to overcome this fear is to face heights. That person must stand on ledges and deal with those feelings there, where they can truly engage them, rather than sitting on solid earth and worrying about the fear they might face. Similarly, this ‘phobia’ that seems to plague white people can only be overcome by facing them. Facing them does not mean simply acknowledging that these feelings: feelings of anger, guilt and fear exist, but really getting down to the root by communicating openly with the people who strike those emotions. Open dialogue is something that has been discussed as a path to redemption. In my brief time in this class I have seen some redemption take place. Many feelings of guilt and fear have dissipated as I have intentionally sought to spend time with people who are not white. Communication is a grassroots movement. But with a problem like white supremacy which rears its ugly head in the personal levels of relationships – the grassroots is the place to start. Nothing we do will ever change America’s racial complex from the top (government) down. These feelings, these emotions are the ‘real’ white supremacy, the real lingering of racism. As long as I can still acknowledge to housing feelings of anger, guilt and fear; so too can I assume that our politicians and people of power harbor those same feelings. Until that changes there will be no redemption. Until we are able to look at a black friend without any anguish, there will never be real relational equality. Furthermore, until we are able to (as a society) look into the eyes of a black man or woman and feel no semblance of any of the aforementioned feelings we can not draw near to a society that is balanced between the ethnic groups."

- Communication (the means) toward the end of the big three.
Andy Blasius
9/8/06

I've got another story coming about another class, but thats for another day and another time. Til, then fare thee well my faithful few.

xoxo,
AB