An American Hero.

Barry Bonds? What, you thought I was going to talk about Danica Patrick? Sorry.

Barry Bonds is on the cusp and when I say on the cusp I mean: 19 games without a homer and one shy of taking Babe's place for second on the all time HR list. What does this mean? Well, pretty soon, Barry will hit a home run breaking the tie for second and clearly distinguishing himself as the second best home run hitter ever. But, is he?

The only point in conflict is Bonds' supposed use of steroids (or performance enhancing drugs). This is a big deal I suppose, and therefore recently ESPN published a poll on what the sports world thought of Bonds. The poll begged the question what should the ceremony be like when Bonds breaks Hank Aaron's all time HR record be (because everyone knows deep down, he will). The overwhelming majority decided that the befitting celebration would be affix a large cloth soaked in gasoline to Barry's body. The cloth would be lit and used in the ceremonial lighting of the next Olympic Torch. It is quite astonishing how violent a celebration it is, but as we've known for a long time, sports fans are ruthless. Therefore, since we are on the cusp of history and this is a big deal -- I suppose I shall spread some rays of light into the crotchal region of sports known as cheating.

Let it be known, before I take the rear of the Bonds defense that I personally do not like Barry Bonds. I am not so much concerned for Barry's well being, but for the children he has been kidnapping and dragging to every press conference. Somewhere along the way, his agent convinced him that death by ceremonial Olympic Torch lighting is not the way to go, and Barry has begun to try to become a media darling (something like Kenny Rodgers). Therefore he has turned Michael Jackson and is using children's endearing cuteness to try and swindle chronic ESPNews watchers into his corner.

So for the kids...

Well, before I help out the desperate children, if you, personally, are ever working out at BALCO (not to be confused with Bharat Aluminum Company Ltd. which is an Indian company) and a man by the name Victor ever tries to get you to use anything, you ask what it is. Especially if his name is as questionable as Victor Conte, and he hands you something that he simply refers to as, "The Cream." Your best bet, might be to simply ask what "The Cream" is or just refuse based on your skepticism of Victor Conte as a mafia man, and the presumption that "The Cream" is referred to in such vague terms because of some inappropriate attributes. However, Barry, unfortunately wasn't intelligent enough to ask what was in "The Cream," instead he simply assumed it was Flaxseed Oil.

So, back to Barry Bonds' probably acne riddled back...

Did Barry Bonds ever use steroids? The obvious answer is yes. If you are one of the .0004 percent of people who still believe Bonds, look at him here, and then here. Okay case closed. Now, as for his defense.

The first problem is our view of the past. We do not look back with tact, we look back with nostalgia. This nostalgic view of the past is blurrying sports fan's abilities to see the all time greats for what they were. I once saw a list of many biblical figures and their not-so-biblical behavior. This (I suppose) served as a bridging agent between the two realms: ancient and modern. Well, in some cases that needs to be done in the world of sports. These grandfathers of baseball are not, in most cases, model citizens. The most eye popping scenario would have to be the Pete Rose incident and the Shoeless Joe incident - both of which had to do with betting. However, pretty much all of baseball's elder statesmen had their vices. Therefore, their "good guy" image (and pedastal) is incorrect, and therefore an impossible measuring stick for modern players.

The brunt of the issue however (and this is tongue in cheek for those of you who aren't as deft at picking up my sarcasm) is the definition of performance enhancing drugs. Now, obviously this term is applied to steroids. This makes sense because steroids make one stronger, and therefore more able to hit home runs. However, there are many other kind of performance enhancers that have been declared illegal over the years: cork, vaseline, metal bats, rocket boosters, etc. Therefore, if Bonds home run pace and its apparent cause (steroids) should be tossed out to prevent the nostalgic old times from being eclipsed by the "juiced ball era" than perhaps a few other safeguards should be made.

For instance, no one wants to see one of these young guns like Jose Reyes pass Rickey Henderson for all time stolen bases, so lets ban cleats for players who are fast.

Also, players who hit for a good average have to use stickball bats, so that noone ever hits .400 again, and Ted Williams can be the last person ever to reach said milestone. This will also serve as a way to moderate hit streaks. So, lets say Jimmy Rollins, get on, an appropriately named, roll and rattles off another high 30's hit streak, we'll simply give him a little tiny barrelled bat and it will force him to go ohfer on a night and thus the threat of someone breaking DiMaggio's hit streak record will vanish.

Then lastly, noone wants to ever see any strikeout records broken. So, lets give pitchers with electric stuff balls without raised laces. They wouldn't be able to get any spin on the ball and therefore everything they throw will be battered by batters.

This sounds like a really exciting brand of baseball to me. Especially when Selig rules that the pain relieving effects of Tylenol and other meds of the sort enhance performance (which they do) and bans them from all professional athletes. Without this, it will force players who play everday and get hit and bruised by the grueling schedule to miss days. Thus, protecting Cal Ripken Jr.s game's played in a row streak.

Performance enhancement is a sort of enigma that is far too broad to be brought down on one sector of baseball skill. The ability to hit home runs is in large part due to strength and muscle mass, but is also due to good plate discipline, good hand eye coordination, great bat speed, and other intangibles that Bonds does have. Regardless of whether or not Bonds used (note: past tense) steroids, he is going to break the home run record, and he's going to do so without ever failing a drug test. Yes, it is a shame. However, Barry Bonds cant be the poster child for fans simply longing for a time in baseball's past when players played the game right. It is not Barry Bond's fault that these past times are viewed in such a half light of brilliance, it is also not Barry's prerogative to pass tests that were not administered. If baseball had always tested for steroids as rigorously as they do now, then this would have never been an issue. However, they did not, and therefore nothing he did in the past can be proven with certainty. Baseball players cannot be held to higher standards than anyone else, and we only need look into the world of politics to see how corrupt and self promoting humans are - Barry cannot and should not pay for the sins of humanity just because he is breaking a beloved record.