I am...

Then Moses said to God, "If I come to the people of Israel and say to them, 'The God of your fathers has sent me to you,' and they ask me, 'What is his name?' what shall I say to them?" God said to Moses, "I am who I am."
-Exodus 3:13-14

For years upon years, I've always read this passage as God, in particular God fashion, just trying to be cryptic. It's like I have this whole idea that he's just trying to keep us at bay...keep us from getting too close (cause then again that's what happened to Adam and Eve).

I've been thinking alot lately about who I am. I'm in the midst of writing a screen play that I think deals with alot of the emotionality that runs through my veins. That is causing me to be quite introspective and I'm not nearly as happy with myself as I have been in the near past. However, I was thinking about this, down by the river (that sounds like a CCR song to me) and I sort of came to the realization that when Jesus died on the cross he took not only our suffering, but also our glory.

When I meet someone who is very forward relationally, sometimes they'll press in and say, "who are you?" in an attempt to learn more about me through my own categorization and labeling of myself. Other times, when talking about another person, someone might ask, "who is he/she?" In this situation I find myself categorizing and labeling others. That is how my brain works, it works like a resume. It says I am good because I am this and this and this; and I've accomplished this and this and this.

My brain nametags, it says Hi, i'm ___, It says I am white, I am a college student, I am a quasi-guitarist, I am a writer, I am a Christian, I am....all sorts of things. But last night when 'I was down on the corner, out in the street' my thoughts sort of drifted to the idea that I previously mentioned that Jesus captured our glory with our sin on the cross.

Where in the hell did I get that, and what does it mean? I think it comes from my reckless pursuit for meaning and individuality. I think I'm resigned to the fact that my meaning is simply to be myself, to simply allow my strengths (as well as weaknesses) to determine my path.

God, somehow, doesn't think within the parameters of corporate America resume style. He thinks beyond that in some other realm, some would call a 'a realm of love' but that sounds too cliche and trite for me to say. However, I do believe that there is some sort of world out there, some sort of reality -- perhaps it's the reality of the Christian lifestyle, which I am just clinging to the first monkey bar of. Thus, there are no things that I am that were not given to me. There are no things that I am that are of me. Everything is an outward expression, that has been grafted together to form an image - an idol. This idol is casted from aloft and shatters under the impact of the softly spoken man who is humble enough and free enough to admit, "I am what I am."