identity crisis.

I am having a bit of an identity crisis. I'm not sure if its a mid life crisis type thing or if its just the usual asking of the question "why." I have no idea.

However, over the past few weeks I've really felt insecure with this question: "What is this blog about?"

Why is this a big deal...well there are a few possible explanations. One, Mrs. Anna Marie Hughes drilled this idea of a thesis statement into my head so fervently that the 'learning' could have been more aptly considered 'branding.' This idea of having a thesis statement is so branded to me that I am insecure when I do anything without a detailed description of why I'm doing it.

The second reason is that perhaps I am just insecure by the fact that no one will read something that is about nothing. If I want to read about baseball, I go to mlb.com. On the other hand, if I want to read the news I go to drudgereport.com. No one in their right mind would go to my blog (whose only fundamental trait is randomness) with any purpose other than to waste time.

Now this wasting time idea is quite scary - as this throws my writing into the same category as these online games that children play with. I'm not sure that I'm okay with that.

Anyhow, I believe the first reason - the 'must-have-thesis' mentality is at blame for much of this identity crisis. I don't know why I'm doing this. I don't know why I get on here and publish. I don't know why I've written 70 some odd things (and yes, things is the only way to describe them) over the past four or five months. I don't know why....(trail off)

I suppose this gets me back to the point at the beginning. The question why -- it is ruthless.

The question why is my booby trap. Everytime I begin taking off through the woods on this wild goose chase that I call writing, I am tripped by this question of why. Why am I pursuing this? To be quite honest with you, the answer is that I have no idea. And the scary part is that that is the answer for most of my why's. I don't really know much about why I do anything.

That's scary and is why I have such a hard time with this. It seems that people who are simpler in their thought (simpler is not a slight) are much better at sticking to the how questions. How do I get (X)?

It's those of us who are so delusioned to believe we can think down the world by our constant asking of the question why who are leashed to the tree and are too busy running around in circles to see that our world is getting smaller. Why is a pointless question when talking of love. It simply cannot be understood no matter how much time we waste mulling over it. Neither can forgiveness or joy. These are all things that don't fly in the why zone (terrible I know). They can't be understood or reasoned down. Therefore is it, that those of us who are so crised (past personal tense of crisis) about our identity - are so, because we are unable to accept the way things are? The way we are, the way others are, and the way this blog has no backbone?